About Me, The Fake Version

After taming unicorns in the far off lands of Nanoburbia, Jared created a colony of superhumans on the Isle de Franco, about 100km off the coast of Panama. He eventually had to raze the colony with his mega-proton generator when they unionized. Jared is anti-union and anti-matter.

As a child Jared was a prisoner of war in Vietnam. With nothing but a spoon and a tin of sardines he escaped his captors, led a revolt against the military, and swam to America. He swam back to find a nation whom beloved his newly iconic image and a new nation; Vietnam was changed to 'Jaredisnotstan' in 1992, as everyone knows.

These days Jared spends his time fighting Chuck Norris, saving the earth from giant asteroids, befriending robots, among many other activities.

Jared did not go to college. College went to Jared.