A day in the life of a cat
December 31, 2007
My friend Jack is an orange cat. He has a myspace page and a catster profile. He is very important to me. That's why I asked him to do this interview.
SJ: Jack, how are you today?
Jack: Great, I'm great. But please, call me Garfield. A couple of idiots, you included, have somehow mistaken me for the not-so-lovable-and-often-vexing cartoon character. Thanks for the identity crisis, by the way.
Jack's introspective sister Gwen.
SJ: Sorry. Please tell us a bit about your family.
Jack: Well, to start, I'm a cat; A domesticated house cat. My "family" consists of my real sister, Gwen, and a couple of SoCal crackers. (I choose to use the term "cracker" not because I am black, but I support their cause.)
Gwen is a bit of pussy, pun definitely intended. When tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumb have that guy tweedle-idiot (meaning you, Jared) over, they "burrito" her and she puts up with it. Even when she regains her freedom she doesn't escape. She has some serious abandonment issues.
Gwen in a "burrito", regally propped against an office chair.
SJ: What do you mean by "burrito"?
Jack: A burrito is when one of us cats is wrapped up in a sheet or blanket or sweatshirt with nothing more than our head sticking out. Since we're so tightly wrapped, our movement is restricted. You guys really eat that stuff up, proving once more just how retarded you are.
SJ: Speaking of retarded, you seem to go absolutely ape-shit when they pull out that feather toy.
Jack: Oh snap! That thing is an absolute gas!
SJ: Meow meow meow meow?
Jack: Fuck you.
SJ: How often do you go outside?
Jack: To be honest, not often at all as I sometimes visit the porch. Though just the other day I had travelled into the back yard! It was simultaneously stimulating and unnerving. Especially when the sky started dropping those big nuggets of water. What the hell was that about? I thought at first that it was Chris (tweedle-dumb) spraying me. Son of a bitch would do it, too.
SJ: What are your plans for the future?
Jack: Man, you must be batshit insane. I don't have plans; I am a cat. I eat, I sleep and really, that's about it. I don't even get to fuck because first of all, they took my balls. Those fuckers stole them from me. Secondly, the only other cat around is my stupid sister.
SJ: Thanks for the interview.
Jack: I will destroy you.
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Comments
This cracked me up! Great post!
Posted by Brenton
joan wagar and eric carlson
poisoned me and others, and
they have framed their victums
as pedophiles so no one will
care if I and their other
victums are murdered.
joan and eric have powerful
friends in authority who are
protecting them from
prosecution, mainly by
ignoreing my charges against
them.
a john ray is one of them, and
a blond lady named erica, are
helping joan and eric get away
with this.
their powerful friends in
authority are preventing me
from getting help for this.
they put something on my record
which causes hospitals to not
want to treat me.
eric changed his name and dyed
his hair so he can continue his
crimes without me knowing, that
didnt last long.
all this is happening here at
portland oregon, my name is
terry wagar, im backing up
these charges, and why are the
authoritys ignoring my charges?
and why is eric hideing his
identity and apearence and then
joan tried to set up eric on a
date with shawna, my oldest
daughter, eric now going by the
name gashel.
Posted by terry wagar
Terry, You're a rapist.
Posted by Joan Wagar
Why don't you just leave Terry Wagar alone.
Posted by todd
Er ist die hand die verletzt
Posted by EC